Here's a thought...

...sometimes you need to reinvent yourself in life. Other times you need to finely hone that which you have already created. And sometimes, maybe once or twice...you need to simply give everything up and see what sticks and what doesn't. If what's left is something you can work with...do so...if not...then it's time for the reinvention.

I'm far from perfect...I'll be the first one to admit it. I'm at turns impetuous, impatient, arrogant, and condescending. I try sometimes, to not be...and sometimes, I just give in to the seductive feeling that those types of behaviours bring forth. I don't ever think that I'm being "good" when I do, but that's irrelevant I suppose...because do it, I do. But I can always TRY...somehow, I feel that perhaps this time...I will make it...

I've had a lot of "stuff" in my life lately...actually...I've pretty well seen my whole world flip upside down and inside out until all I want to do is take Ruckus, load her in the car, and drive away. Leave everything here and just go. It's not to say that I haven't felt that way before...but this time...it's different. I think that I'm learning something here...and I'm learning it by thinking...and by talking. I've actually tried to not pull in on myself this time around. I've reached out to my friends for help...advice...shoulders and ears. Whoever started the notion that things like legs and asses and breasts were the greatest parts of human...well, we should most certainly make them part of the trio headed towards the Bermuda Triangle and call it a day...because without a doubt, the most treasured areas in my opinion are the ears into which we tell our pains and aches, triumphs and joys...and the shoulders that help us alternately to bear the burdens and cradle the head.

This is a poem that a dear friend shared with me today...it touched my heart and reminded me that I am myself...not defined by the partner by my side or the logo on the paycheck...but by my own actions, thoughts, and intentions. At any rate...here it is...and a thank you to her...

Love After Love

The time will come

when, with elation

you will greet yourself arriving

at your own door, in your own mirror

and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.

Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart

to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored

for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,

peel your own image from the mirror.

Sit. Feast on your life.

~Derek Walcott~