Sometimes, despite your best intentions, and all the self-knowledge in the world, you end up in exactly the same place from whence you came and know that the only way BACK to the place you were so proud to reach is to go through the same mine field that you traversed once before.
So I'm here...contemplating the mine field as I stare across it's barren landscape, and I wonder...how to NOT get to this place again. Because once I go across again...once I can screw up enough of my courage into a jar to clutch to my heart as I delicately find my way...again...I am NEVER going back. How to do that? Because I must figure that out before I strike out...otherwise...once I get there...all flush with the excitement, happiness, and peace that I KNOW is there for the taking...I'll be feeling so good that I won't notice again when I give my life over to the monster that becomes my primary relationship...I'll do so cheerily...thinking that I'm quite safe. Just like I did...twice before. Can I have learned my lesson this time?
Sigh...please?
3 comments:
You are not in exactly the same place you were in before, even if it feels like you are. This time you know there could me a mine field ahead, and you are approaching it with caution. In fact, you aren't even approaching it yet, you are thinking it all through BEFORE approaching it. The pieces will fall into place correctly, because you will be the one laying the pieces out ahead of time. You just have to make yourself your first priority.
You've got this. I know you do. You've learned that lesson enough times.
Just remember to resist the temptation to slip into old patterns, at least without laying the groundwork to make sure you are doing what is best for you. Don't give your life over to the monster. You know you want to live YOUR life in conjunction with your primary relationship. And now you get to decide what you want that to look like.
I have faith in you.
Have I told you lately that I love you?
I do.
:*
Right back at ya, G! *muah*
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