Sometimes, despite your best intentions, and all the self-knowledge in the world, you end up in exactly the same place from whence you came and know that the only way BACK to the place you were so proud to reach is to go through the same mine field that you traversed once before.
So I'm here...contemplating the mine field as I stare across it's barren landscape, and I wonder...how to NOT get to this place again. Because once I go across again...once I can screw up enough of my courage into a jar to clutch to my heart as I delicately find my way...again...I am NEVER going back. How to do that? Because I must figure that out before I strike out...otherwise...once I get there...all flush with the excitement, happiness, and peace that I KNOW is there for the taking...I'll be feeling so good that I won't notice again when I give my life over to the monster that becomes my primary relationship...I'll do so cheerily...thinking that I'm quite safe. Just like I did...twice before. Can I have learned my lesson this time?
Sigh...please?
